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[09 Mar 2009|03:04pm] |
Keep me rather in this cage, and feed me sparingly, if you dare. Anything that brings me closer to illness and the edge of death makes me more faithful. It is only when you make me suffer that I feel safe and secure. You should never have agreed to be a god for me if you were afraid to assume the duties of a god, and we all know that they are not as tender as all that. You have already seen me cry. Now you must learn to relish my tears.
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[04 Nov 2008|05:18pm] |
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"I cry."
"You cry?"
"I cry"
"Any particular reason?"
"I think about the people that make decisions that affect our lives. The doctors
who make advancements in curing diseases.The engineer that designs skyscrapers. The guy that maps out
a plane's flight path. The navigator. I think about how those people are out there every day making a difference,
leading big lives and how they refuse to be intimidated by the tremendous odds of failure they face. And how they only
concern themselves with peers and company that apply to their goals and noble causes." "I think about all that and I cry.
Because I have nothing better to do than fuck you."
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[07 Oct 2008|03:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cold |
] |
Hey everyone. I'm back/bored. SURVEY TIMEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Three days from now, will you have sex?
Yes. Most likely out of boredom as well.
How have you felt today?
Dirty, lazy, incompetent, worthless.
Who was the last person you laid in a bed with?
Bodi Edward Thomas Parker.
Do you have any plans for today?
Going in to Detroit to eat @ SLOWZ.
Do you like your name?
Their aren't many Roxannes around these parts- so I guess so, yeah.
Are you happy at the moment?
I'm in love, and happy in that aspect, but no- aside from that.
What were you doing at 10:00 last night?
Ate the best fucking dinner ever @ Red Coat Tavern and rented Forgetting Sarah Marshall with Bodella.
Last person who drove you somewhere (besides your parents)?
......All my answers are going to involve Bodi because i'm so pathetically attached in a creepy, yet totally not lifetime movie worthy, way.
Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night person.
Are you a forgiving person?
Hell no. I'm colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra.
Who was the last person to smack your butt?
Bodi. (while we were having sexual intercourse). (If you must know).
If you could move anywhere right now would you?
Yeah, i'd move back into the city.
Do you know if anyone likes you?
I don't know. I just don't know.
Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
FUCK YEAH.
Talk to your exs?
Yeah, but its like- Jerry Springer fake.
Have you ever dated someone older than you?
I've never dated a teenager my whole teenage life! I'm a Grandpa lover.
How do you feel about public displays of affection?
I practically fuck my boyfriend everytime he walks into a room. It's annoying, but that's his and everyone else's problem.
Do you live alone?
No, just me and my bun.
Can you keep a secret?
Well- kindof. I won't tell the masses; however, I will tell my trio of hoes. ya dig?
Your favorite romantic movie is?
Something About Mary.
Have you ever played Twister?
No, too many stranger faces too close to my pussy. NIGGA I DONT KNOW YOU.
Have you ever kissed someone with a J as the first letter?
hahahahaahah the J ruined my lifeeeeeeeeeee.
Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to?
Robert Jebadiah Wilson<3<3<3
Are you open with your feelings to people?
Yeah, it gets me in trouble. I just don't keeping my thoughts inside of myself. Especially if they're deep-rooted.
Are you loved?
yessum.
Do you care what others think about you?
Not so much what they think about me but what they say about me. DON'T DEFIMATE ME OR I'LL MURK YOU SONNN
who was the last person to call you baby/babe?
Bodi.
How has this past week been for you?
Cold.
Last thing you drank?
Vitamin Water formula fifty grape drink styleeee
Are you happy with your life?
I only have one positive thing in my life. Other than that- no, absolutely not. I'm no where I want to be.
Do you currently have a hickey?
No.
Do you like your job?
I don't have a job. I'm kind of like an indoor cat. An indoor cat that smokes weed.
What are your initials?
RRA.
Are you looking for a boyfriend//girlfriend?
On the side? Maybe when things start to get boorrring but no- not yet.
How many cities/towns have you lived in?
6!
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| smoked up all my income. |
[28 Sep 2007|12:52pm] |
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Aside from falling down the stairs yesterday, not having a laundry machine, or a job- things have been looking up. Money is good. My relationship with my parents is at it's best. My friends are awesome. I start school in January which means I get to take pictures again. I move out (again) soon. Got to watch my favorite band play the most amazing set they could have ever played (yesterday). I quit smoking (really this time) (kind of). & Bodi is the most loveable thing imaginable. Everything is exciting. And great.
I'm so happy. I need a kitten to top all this greatness off.
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[28 Jul 2007|01:18pm] |
And you give me the most gorgeous sleep that I've ever had
And when it's really bad-
I guess it's not that bad.
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| to live this way is not fair to me and like a jazz dj you talk me into sleep. |
[31 May 2007|05:32pm] |
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A year ago today my life came crashing down and lead the past 9 months into a downward spiral of some undeserved bullshit, uncertainty, loneliness, and manic depression.
In 12 day's it will be all behind me. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here and finally be able to call something home.
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| A-B-C-DIX |
[14 May 2007|04:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
] |
A - age of first kiss: twelve.
B - Band listening to right now: Notorious B.I.G
C - Crush: just some Boo
D - Dad's name: Fares (pronounced Ferris...but spelled wrong)
E - Easiest person to talk to: Paulina Julieanne Schemanski
F - Favorite bands at the moment: Blood Brothers- Cranberries -Pinback -Beatles
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?: I'M EATING GUMMY WORMS AS I TYPE THIS VERY MOMENT!
H - Hometown: Whatcho know about OAK PARKKKKKKKK
I - Instruments: I played the trumpet in 5th grade but quit because it was so fucking heavy.
J- Junior High: Norup!
K - Kids: If I could have them right now, i'd probably consider. (I should be on Maury!)
L - Longest car trip: Ride to Disney World for my 5th birthday tied in with the ride to my brothers graduation in South Carolina.
M - Mom's name: Her real name? Alishwa but it translates into Liz some how.
O - One wish: TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF FUCKING NEVADAAAAAAA I NEEED TO COMEEE HOMEEEE
P - Phobias: Being the crazy cat lady/ Crossing big intersections
Q - Quote: "NIGGA, WHAT'S THE DEAL?"
R - Reasons to smile: Paulie-Ali-Nat-Salam-Tay.
S - Song you sang last: Hyponotize by the B.I.G
T - Time you woke up [today]: 9 am.
U - Unknown fact about me: I'm super frisky when i'm high- it's like liquid panty remover.
V - Vegetable you hate: Oh my god carrots. & green peppers.
W - Worst habit(s): smoking/ crying about nothing
X - X-rays you've had: knees & chest.
Y - Yummy food: chocolate pudding- i'm all about it.
Z- Zodiac sign: Aries.
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[03 May 2007|04:03pm] |
This is Snuggles the fabric softner bear.
&
this is Snuggles my dog.
It's fucking UNCANNY. Don't tell me it isn't. I'm a genius.
Don't you just want to throw her on a bunch of towels and see if she bounces? I know I do.
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| it's not my fault line. |
[11 Apr 2007|08:46pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
I had an absolutely fanfucktastic spring break (with an except of a few mishaps). I was only not biligerant for maybe 3 hours in the whole ten days I was home. The only thing I regret is not seeing everyone that I usually see when i'm home. But, in 9 weeks I am your guys to keep- maybe for the summer, maybe for good. But who knows. All i know is that the ten days I spent home were 10 days well spent.
Coming home was a different story. After being delayed a million times I got home (10 hours later). When I arrived at the airport my phone was dying so I made note to call my mom quickly to see if she was in passenger pick up yet. And guess what? She just decides she doesn't want to pick me up because she's in her pajamas. Then tells me to wait for my cousin to get off work at nine (it was 3:30).
I pretty much exclaimed to her lightly that I would fucking slit her throat if I was in the airport for 30 seconds more. 3 hours later, after sobbing at the carousal and wondering what I did to deserve such a cunt licking twatfuck of a mother. I take a cab home.
and I moved out of my house and in with friends.
Pretty nuts right? I'm actually not bitter.
I can't believe i'm turning 18 in five days.
you're the good things
...round two.
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| i'm not your friend, I never was. |
[18 Mar 2007|11:09pm] |
What's up chicken heads.
(i'm still alive, how're you all?)
I quit my job at michaels being that my manager was giving all my hours to her girlfriend..That I trained. It was one big sexual innuendo here at the Las Vegas michaels. I was pissed for a while but now i'm going to start working at this place called Nothing BUNDT Cakes. I'll be honest I only applied because I thought the name was just so fucking ridiculous, and i'd love to tell everyone in the world that I worked at a place called nothing BUNDT cakes. I'm pretty irrational like that. But apparently they pay well so score! on my behalf.
I almost got suspended for telling my math teacher to go fuck himself on friday. But then I didn't because I got him in trouble for calling him out on some terrible shit he said to a fat chick who sits across from me. I also told the dean about how are little argument started which went a little something like this;
Sweet ol' innocent me: "..why are you making everythings deadline a week before the quarter ends, the gradebook is down anyway."
Redheaded middle aged faggot: "NO IT'S NOT. HOW'RE YOU GOING TO TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB BLAH BLAH-stopped listening"
Sweet ol' innocent me: "dude, don't be snide to me, i'm not one of these freshman that's going just going to take it, i'm an adult, i'm not yelling at you, act like an adult and respect me"
Redheaded middle aged faggot: "i don't have to respect anyone who thinks she's better than the rest of the class"
Sweet ol' innocent me: "i don't think i'm better than the rest of the class, i do however think you're an inferior sad little red headed man."
Redheaded middle aged faggot: "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH & WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE THE ROTTEN ATTITUDE BACK TO YOUR ROTTEN CITY"
in which I got up, tossed his math book across the room and said;
"Go fuck yourself gingerkid."
If he wasn't as ugly and red headed as he was- i probably wouldn't have flipped out as hard. Sad part is he was born in Kalamazoo. Yeah, he's one of those hometown hating losers.
I'm getting switched out of his class on tuesday because I made up some shit about having panic attacks when i'm not in control of a situation with someone I hate. Which, I guess, might be partially true.
The day before someone brought 3 loaded shotguns into my school. Unfortunately, he didn't get the chance to shoot anyone.
He sat next to me in government, he was actually a pretty sweet dude. We always shared notes when we weren't suppose to and cheated on tests MAD so I know I would've been in the clear if he was going to go on some kind of columbine rampage. I even feel super sorry for him. It's kind of a bummer. But fuck it, it's not like i'll even remember his name in 5 years.
I get to be on xanax really soon- LEGALLY. WOO!!
I come home March 30th- I haven't even been gone long enough for you bitches to miss me but whatever.
Last night was St. Patty's. I got drunk in my cousins apartment. We drank fucking lambrusco like always (thats cheap negro wine for those of you who are unfamiliar or too classy to know) and it made me feel like a shitty ass drunk. I texted a few people & got a few random texts.
I felt so shitty yesterday. Mainly because my fucking dirty arab twat loving "ex" (if you can even call it that) is so incredibly happy with his new GFERZ and finds the need to call me and tell me about it. CAN YOU SAY INSECURE ABOUT CHO HOE? Are you thinking of me when you fuck her? I know you are, hahaha.
yesterday I slapped the shit out of an annoying four year old and it felt so fucking good.
And on that thought, i'm going outside to enjoy my cigarette.
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| tranqz got a bitch all fucked up. |
[22 Jan 2007|06:22am] |
I wonder if there is anything i'm going to miss
I wonder how it's going to be when you don't know me anymore .
How's it going to be when you're sure I'm not here
How's it going to be when there's no one there for me to talk to
Between you and me, cause I don't care
How's it going to be?
& to tell myself you're the one thing in my life i've managed to do right is just proving how dense headed I am. Why do I constantly (fucking constantly) think about something so great when it's not mine to possess. Perhaps because i've never experienced great like you before. Because if there was a fucking definition of perfect you're ass would be all up in it. So guess what? I try to bury all that in me and secretly I tell myself i'll experience far greater, far prettier, far more intelligent. HA. Yeah Roxanne, you go do that in Michigan.
With half the year done i'm completely frightened at the thought of distancing myself from you. It's almost hilarious how things turn out. The irony in this undoubtedly shitty situation is really something.
Why. Did. You. Have. To. Be. So. Astonishingly. Fantastically. Beautiful. Here?
I fell in love. In Vegas. Could I be a bigger dumbass? You can be the judge of that.
Roxanne, always get dealt the short straw. It's all good. I just need to stop being crazy over dick. & drinking + loratabs on a sunday night isn't helping me to not look like a crazy fuck on livejournal.
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[30 Aug 2006|07:06am] |
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I realized last night that my vagina is merely a community college advertisement; open to all losers above the age of 18 who will probably end up dropping me all together for something more easy.
I'm not feeling good. drinking and thinking about my vagina is not a good combination.
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[16 Aug 2006|12:50am] |
My brother is home from marine boot camp hell (Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay.). He is skinny and east indian looking but still the same goofy drunky dude on the inside. I was really worried the ending result of Ramiz being gone would be him all G.I JOE-ed out with semi automatic in hand and all. He hasn't changed though, thank the fuck lord.
Apparently they put some kind of chemical in your food in the marines where it is practically impossible to get a boner. I find that a little invasive and unnecessary.
My other, slightly more retarded brother Ramen bets big money that he could shoot that stuff up and still stiff one out.
My brothers are so gay. I love them, HELLA LOTZ LOL.
The trip to South Carolina consisted of us watching movies, smoking mad l's, crossword puzzles, buying gas for really cheap, buying cigarettes for really cheap, running into Tony Pratt at a rest stop in Virgina (which was fucking sweet), burger king arguments with Andy that lead into 3 hour fights (which weren't sweet), & sleeping soundly to the movie the devils advocate (for the 13th time). When we got there my brother and Naomi would bump uglies in their shitty hotel room while Andy and I would look for the ocean, and smoke a j.
Overall, a really fantastic time.
I was expecting to get into mad fights with my brother's girlfriend Naomi because 90% of the time we're cunts to each other but somehow we ended up having a lot of fun together. Andy on the other hand, was a different story. The way back home was pretty hectic. I've never been so angry at someone in a confined space for so long. ( Here is a map of how long it lasted and what went down. )
This past month has been strange for sleeping. I usually go to bed around 2ish and wake up a shit ton in the middle of the night. It gets pretty exhausting. Then I get up and wander around the room listening to music thats annoying because I listen to it so much.
I don't know. Things have been pretty intense lately.
Like, I watch this show called A Baby Story on TLC because it's the only thing watchable on t.v in the morning (believe it or not) and it's the same thing every single fucking time. The women is a ugly fat pregnant, has a loving, nerdy as fuck husband, they do really gay pre-baby shit together and the last 10 minutes is the women giving birth to what looks like a white lizard.
Now usually, the person that I know as me would find this a kind of pathetic and funny watchable but this august me crys every single time these ugly women are birthing these ugly children with these pathetic men.
and I don't know why. I never used to be this much of a fucking moper, I promise.
I don't know, lately i've been uncomfortable in my own skin. I get left a lot and at really wrong times, really not so good times. I always try to stay pretty positive though, like all this shit that's been going down lately- it's just made me more emotionally numb. Which is really what I need to be. I stopped giving a fuck about people 2ish weeks ago. It doesn't feel great but it was better than burning myself over useless nothingless people i've made out to be greek gods in my head. And for what? the accumulated time/emotional investments that I knew and spent with/on them? Hah, FUCK THAT SHIT. Right up the pooper.
I just miss being comfortable.
My butt hurts, Ian Tam told me to stop having so much anal sex.
haha, fuck me. I'm a ranter.
and if you haven't noticed, I pretty much hate everything about me lately.
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| take your brainless whores and fuck the brains they don't have out of them, you fucker. |
[01 Aug 2006|12:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
constantly eating shit. |
] |
"What is this posture I have to stare at?"
That's what he said when I'm sitting up straight.
Change the name of the game because he lost,
And he knew he was wrong but he knew it too late.
But I'm not being fair because I chose to listen to that filthy mouth.
But I'd like to choose right,
Take all the things that I've said that he stole,
Put them in a sack,
Swing them over my shoulder,
Turn on my heel,
Step out of his sight,
Try to live in a lovelier light.
This is not about love, cause I am not in love. In fact I can't stop falling out.
I miss that stupid ache.
you're one hell of a fucking dude.
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[28 Jun 2006|12:30pm] |
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I want to work at Westborn, pretty bad. I'm going to throw an application their way today. hopefully they get back to me by friday. Because if there is one thing i'm really good at, it's bitch work.
I've been smelling really bad lately. I need to shower, shave and work on getting rid of this spray-on-tan-in a-bottle thing that is covering 45% of my upper arm. Paulina and I found it in her dads' girlfriend's stuff and thought it would be really interesting to test it and see if it worked. We sprayed it on my arm but it just looked like clear/watery spray on my skin so we coated some more layers on and just figured it was expired. A little while later we discovered it takes 2-4 hours to develop. Now my arm looks uber confused.
It's kind of humorous though. But mostly frightening and embarrassing.
Summer has been pretty good so far. This past month I've been chillin' with my roomie Paulina, hanging out with Bosley (the dog), and seeing a few others on the side. But mostly, i'm playing with the dog. And by playing I mean feeding it way too much. I always thought I hated big, stupid, dogs- however, Bosley doesn't smell too much like shit and if he wasn't old as balls I know he would play catch with me for more then 2 minutes before collapsing.
He's a good dog, I hope I don't cause him some kind of rare obese dog disease. I would feel pretty terrible about that,
In a nutshell, everything is good. The only thing I really miss are my basement, my room, Andy, Lance, Ramiz and Ramen.
I think this is the longest i've gone without seeing all of them, it's pretty shitty.
I should really send Ramiz letters. But whenever I write I feel like i'm complaining, or they just seem really melancholy.
Tonight is Ian and Tony's "going away festivity". Which makes me sad.
CHAO. (I'm not italian)
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| where I end and you begin. |
[11 May 2006|01:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sincerely happy. |
] |
I don't know how things will be after I sell my house. I don't want to know change right now and i'm worried about the thought of not having my house bringing my mood down. I am worried for the last day in my room. My room has been and still is the most personal thing ive owned since I was 3. It's not mine anymore. It's some gaudy russian womens' now. Who hates the color of it and will probably plaster really depressing russian clown wallpaper on my extraorindary walls.
I hate everyone who was involved in the selling process of my house. I don't respect anyone involved because it was just ridiculous. and for no reason.
I don't respect anyone involved not because I don't want to, but because I can't.
Everyone, especially my mom, is a fucking incompetent fucking retard.
I want to have absolutely nothing to do with my family besides my brothers and cousin after i become a legal adult.
I want to graduate high school and go to a real easy laid back community college. I want to rent a tiny little house. Preferably with only one bedroom and a cute little kitchen + Gingi cat and boyfriend. I want to work at a snazzy pizza place.
I want to do all of this in royal oak. It would be my out of high school dream.
I say that more sincerely then angsty.
Surprisingly things are fantastic. They should be terrible, but they're fantastic.
After my mom kicked Robert and Connor out of my house yesterday and I completely lost my mind and took a shit on her with my words, we went to the cemetery and walked around. We broke into a mausoleum. Mucho creepy. We leveled ourselves up to the broken windows and Rob made me smell the dead people of the basement morgue. It was cold, and kind of gross.
yesterday was an interesting day.
Today I did absolute bull dick in school. I walked around with Ali and Rob all of seminar and pretended to be productive. I skipped civil war because we've been watching a movie about Gettysburg that literally feels like i'm in Gettysburg after a while, it's that long.
and i'm not in World History right now because it's honestly kind of a joke.
I'm with my darling Ali.
After hours tonight should be fun. Mmm, yeap.
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[05 May 2006|11:04am] |
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Friday. May 5th. Cinco..de..Mexican holiday?
Boys and girls;
Mommy dearest will be out of town tonight. For the first time in perhaps a decade. We have the house to ourselves boys and girls. It's a much needed break from her, finally.
crunkcrunkcrunkcrunkcrunkcrunk. (Crazy and drunk).
higglyhigglyhigglyhiggly. (High and giggly).
You're the good things.
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| I won't cry, you won't scream. |
[16 Apr 2006|11:30am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
I have to make note that yesterday we went to frosty freeze and Connor ate a large sundae before we got off of coolidge. It should have been on Ripley's believe it or not.
This morning I woke up from having about four occurring fat dreams. (Fat dreams= when you have dreams about people calling you fat, being fairly obese, all that fat jazz). I kept on waking up and looking in the mirror to see if I was actually as fat as I appeared in my mind and I kept forgetting that the people in my dreams that we're lecturing me about my weight didn't actually.
Walking back to my bed I looked over to see if the ant that I spared killing on my window last night was still alive, and what was there? about 20 ants trying to crawl on my headboard. Thats when I stopped giving a shit about karma and took those fuckers down with some clorox. Even ants, take advantage of me in my bedroom.
It was muy fucked up. Muy, muy.
March/April is always the peak of depression, haven't you noticed? Season changes from perfect to hell like conditions, people getting ready to start lives, Too many birthdays.
But I guess break has been real chill. I've went up to Davisberg with the kids and we just had a grand ol' fucking time. It's basically: Bonfires, watching the boys shoot defenseless animals for no good cause and The Connor breakfast Delight. Surprisingly not that much illegal activity has been taken place. Minus shooting our state bird, compliments of Rob and Connor.
I guess you don't really have to be completely inebriated all the time when you hang in a mansion with 5 of your chillest niggas.
I listen to Alien Ant Farm on the morning of my birthday, every year. I feel 12 again.
I am 6,209 days old today, 17 years to be exact. I guess it's Easter also, but I hope Jesus will understand why I am going to have to smoke ridiculous amounts of weed tonight.
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